Mumbai: With just 10 days remaining for the IBW 2015, owners of Harley Davidson motorcycles are frantically getting their bikes ready to be taken to the Vagator beach venue in Goa. With the demand soaring through the roof, prices of transport trucks have broken all previous records, with the cost of sending a single bike from Mumbai to Goa hovering around the 50,000 rupee mark.

To save themselves from getting ripped-off every time they have to take their bike somewhere, a lot of Harley owners have now simply bought small trucks designed specifically for transporting their huge machines. These trucks cost about 10 lacs to own, but the owners say it completely takes the pain away from traveling with their bikes from one place to the other.

Our correspondent managed to get an interview with one such owner:

Fake Biker: I see that you are now strapping your Harley in your very own truck, how does it feel to own a V-Rod and never actually use the 2nd gear on your bike? 

Real Biker: What? Didn’t get you? 

Fake Biker: I said how does it feel to be a gutless bike molester, a lazy attention-whore, an ugly extension of the seat foam? 

Real Biker: I literally can’t hear you mate. The thing is, I’ve lost most of hearing because of the Vance & Hines on this thing. You really gotta speak up! 

Fake Biker: CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

Real Biker: Yes yes that’s better. 

Fake Biker: HOW DOES IT FEEL TO OWN SO MANY BIKES AND NEVER ACTUALLY RIDE THEM?

Real Biker: Oh that’s not true! I do ride my bikes, especially if there’s a Chai Pakoda ride, Ride for Safety, or any other event where I get to show everybody how loud my bike is! I love that stuff. 

Fake Biker: TELL US ABOUT YOUR BEST RIDE TILL DATE.

Real Biker: My best ride till date? Well, let me see, 3 trips to Charoti, twice to Lonavala, and that one time when I went to my friend’s house across the street, I guess out of all of these the best one has to be the Chai Pakoda ride I recently did! Oh what fun. I was going like VROOM VROOOOM you know on my R1, everybody was looking at me. So awesome. Then I took a turn without braking, because I kinda forgot how to, and crashed into a ditch. 

Fake Biker: THAT WAS YOUR BEST RIDE? 

Real Biker: Yeah! I broke my arm and a leg, but I also broke my bike in half, which was pretty kick ass. Everybody was looking at me you know. 

Fake Biker: SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW?

Real Biker: Oh now I’m loading my Harley into this truck which my driver will take till Vagator. I’ll go by flight, take a taxi to the venue and unload the bike right at the gate. Then I’ll redline this thing until the engine explodes, I love that stuff. There’s a loudest bike competition too! I always win that, because nothing is too loud for me, because I can’t hear anything. 

Fake Biker:

Our correspondent is missing since this interview, if you see him, tell him his wife’s worried.

As an unexpected side-effect of IBW, garment manufacturers have registered a sharp rise in sales of fake tattoo sleeves. The tattoo industry is also going gaga with sales of temporary ink going up by more than 300% since last month. To understand this strange behavior, we spoke to an industry expert, who gave us this explanation:

A lot of riders believe that tattoos bring good luck and can save them from a crash. For example, a piston and skull tattoo just under the right testicle is believed to bring bountiful butt penetration. Another popular tattoo is the word “Twist” with a down arrow on the right hand between the thumb and the index finger. This tattoo reminds Harley owners how to ride a motorcycle, most of whom believe the right hand is only good for steering a car and jacking somebody off. 

Fake tattoo sleeves on the other hand provide CE approved level 3 of protection in case of a crash. As we all know, wearing full riding gears is against the spirit of Harleys. Fake tattoo sleeves not only help the biker look cool, they also provide far more protection than their thickly gross layer of body hair can ever provide. 

All of these developments come at the heels of the India Bike Week, which is being held at Goa on 20 and 21st of Feb 2015. Considered to be the biggest biking festival in India, this year’s IBW is expected to attract over 10,000 bikers from all over the country, like flies over vomit, mosquitoes over a ditch, rats over a pile of stinking garbage.

I’ve got my tickets, see you there!

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction.  Names, characters, places, and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.  Any resemblance to actual events, things, corporations, motorcycle manufacturers, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

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