There are many different kinds of motorcycles on this planet, and there are many different kind of people too. Different people buy different kinds of motorcycles for different reasons at different times, and different people treat their motorcycles differently for different reasons. Here are the 4 different kinds of mentalities that exist among bike owners:
- Motorcycles are like Wives: These are your Royal Enfield and other classic bike owners, who spend more time with their bikes than with their kids, mostly trying to stop that oil leakage or that silencer from falling off. Most of their life is spent fighting, arguing and cursing each other, but divorce is rarely an option.
- Motorcycles are like Girlfriends: These are your Kawasaki and Yamaha and other Japanese bike owners. They buy elegant, refined machines, spend money on keeping them elegant and refined, and shop with them regularly for upgrades. The relationship is filled with numerous jizzworthy moments, and they love pleasuring each other every chance they get.
- Motorcycles are like Whores: The Bajaj, KTM and other cheap bike/scooty owners. They are mostly young, virgins, and raping their bikes beyond the limits of human decency is what they live for. The machines are rarely washed, pimped up with oversized tires and loud exhausts, slapped frequently and ridden like a bitch till her heart stops turning.
- Motorcycles are like Supermodels: The exotic motorcycles, superbike owners. These machines rarely ever touch the asphalt, and are kept in prime condition to fetch good money when they are sold. They mostly own a fleet of such bikes, bikes that are capable of inducing multiple premature ejaculations from 200 feet away, and all they do with them is look and brag.
I’ve seen a lot of unhappy KTM owners over the years.
Since I have a Duke 390, and seem to be rather satisfied with it, a lot of KTM buyers, past and future, come to me with questions. There’s one major problem that I’ve seen in all their queries, one serious trouble with their mindset.
There are people out there who want to buy a 2 lac bike that does 0-100 faster than a 2 crore Porsche Panamera, and still demand it to be as reliable as a Japanese train, as beautiful as an Italian horse, and as soulful as a British comedian.
If you really believe that, you are fucking stupid.
You want your bike to behave like a high-born lady, Sansa Stark for instance, and yet all you are willing to pay is stupid-whore-without-a-second-name Shae money, what the hell do you expect? You have to decide first what kind of a motorcycle you are looking for, if you want pure performance, reliability, or looks, you have to be willing to keep your pockets open.
Cheap fuckers get cheap pussy, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be fun.
KTM machines are cheap, filthy whores that love to be thrashed around corners, have their tits bouncing up and down the rev limit, and occasionally get cut, bruised, break some bones and pass out when you choke her for too long. They are specialist tools with only one field of excellence, and that’s rocking your fucking pants off.
And they are bloody good at that. No other bike in that money can give you the same level of visceral, dirty, unholy fun than a Duke or an RC can. I once did a track day on my 390 with a bust oil seal, bust radiator fan, bust chain set, bust cone set, leaking fuel pump, dead brake pads, boiling coolant, and bald tires, and didn’t hear a single sign of complaint.
And then there’s the best part, if you do happen to break her rib or two while pummeling the shit out of her, the cost of repair is hilariously cheap. The bill for fixing everything that was wrong in the last paragraph was 15,000 bucks, and that included both new tires.
Of course from time to time her STDs are going to act up, but that’s nothing a bit of trusty rubber can’t handle.
I don’t understand what people have to complain about. Here you have one of the most powerful, lightest, cheapest to own and cheaper to maintain motorcycles in the market, and all I hear them whining about is the speedo not working properly, or the engine making weird noises, or parts not lasting as long as on the Japanese bikes. It’s true that the chain set on a Ninja 300 lasts 3 times as long as on an RC390, but it’s also true that the chain set on the Ninja costs 6 times more as the RC.
When you go to a brothel and take that 250 Rupee prostitute to that dirty room with no windows, you don’t complain about her voice being manly, or her eyesight being low, or her left leg being a wooden stump with green algae on it. You get your 250 bucks worth out of her, you do unnatural stuff to her that you won’t dare do to your wife, you come on her face and then don’t say thank you before leaving. That’s what you’re supposed to do with a KTM.
I think the problem here again is the Indian mentality, we want everything without paying for anything. We buy things designed for one thing, attempt to use them for an entirely different thing, and then flail our hands, roll on the floor and break our bangles when that doesn’t work out. You see other people enjoying their lives, and you try to live their choices to get in on the fun, but that obviously doesn’t work because you didn’t think the fucking thing through, and now all you can do is blame everyone else.
So the next time someone comes to me crying about their Duke’s rim being cracked or the engine stalling in the middle of a turn, or the suspension weeping blood, I’m going to tell them you have only 2 options. Either enjoy the KTM and the freedom that comes with it, or buy something else and shut your mouth. You have no right to bitch about an incredibly inexpensive object for not being perfect in every department, that’s like buying a Chinese phone and complaining about lack of Siri.
You will have to make compromises either way, but I’d rather compromise on eye color than sword-swallowing capabilities.