Strange things are happening in this world lately, things that you joke about, “Oh there’s no fucking way that’s gonna happen”, and the next day, there it is, staring down your face, and that smile slowly vanishes.

From Donald Trump actually fighting for US Presidency, to this guy actually getting elected as the President of Philippines, to Britain actually leaving the EU, the collective human intelligence seems to have taken a proverbial hit to the head.

In many ways, this explains the popularity of Royal Enfield as a manufacturer of bullshit on 2 wheels. I’ve never been able to understand how they can sell so many motorcycles, but maybe it’s not that hard to explain. In a world so completely consumed by political correctness, it’s much more important to be different than be correct, it’s much more exciting to do the wrong thing than the right one. I get that more than most people, but I never imagined you could construct a multi-billion dollar business out of it.

I’ve written some nasty stuff on this website, sexist, misogynist, hateful. Some days I just sit in front of the laptop, think of the most disgusting thing I can think of, write it, and then wait and watch as the people like it, hate it, talk about it, comment on it. There’s an innate sense of satisfaction in testing the limits of human decency, in being an absolute cunt, and I recently saw another example of this in a somewhat comical situation.

4 riders from India were sent to Italy on an all-expense-paid trip of World Ducati Week.

1 of them does not belong.

This article is not about shaming that 1 person, I couldn’t really give a shit. If anything, she’s doing a marvellous job of giving motorcycle related companies a place to market their stuff, something I totally suck at. I wasn’t even interested in writing anything about her, but wherever I went, some photo of her would pop up in my feed, and I was quite tired of unfollowing/blocking her access to my face.

I would also like to make it clear that I have no authority to tell anybody anything. Just because I own a website loosely associated with motorcycles does not give me the right to judge other motorcyclists. If Ted Simon fucked Valentino Rossi, and the child suckled on the tits of Guy Martin, was taught riding by Chris Birch, and married Travis Pastrana, he’d still have no say in matters of riding. This article is supposed to be more an inquiry into the situation that is, rather than a rant on what it should be, but I cannot promise the line would always be crisp.

When I saw that announcement of World Ducati Week, my first response was laughter.

Seriously?

Either there was something I had missed about her, or Ducati had. To find out which one it was, I went through everything I could find about her on the internet, spoke to people who’d met her, spoke to lady riders and travelers, and researched about this entire clusterfuck called the culture of Women motorcycle riding.

In that sense, this article is different from the rest on this website. Most of my work is rhetorical, I have never cared for feedback, and I don’t ask for anybody’s inputs when I write. This situation was bigger and more complicated than I could wrap my brain around, hence the change in tactics.

As always, I encourage you to research on your own, find your own facts, and make your own damn decision. This is what I saw, heard, and felt, and I can’t stress enough how much I don’t care if you agree with this or not.

Since this is going to be a rather verbose brain vomit, I’d like to divide it into 5 series of sections, each based on a simple question with a not so simple answer.

Do all Women bikers have it easy?

No.

I used to think a vagina qualified you to a lifetime of freebies and social media limelight, I was wrong. There are many female riders out there who are in reality worse off when compared to their male counterparts. They ride because they want to ride, but every time they do, dickless imbeciles try to follow them on the roads, make gestures at them, and try to corner them into impolite conversation. Things carry on to the virtual world, and a women wearing a helmet is seen as an automatic candidate for molestation, because obviously she was asking for it.

Most of these women are not good at social media, simply because for anyone who takes riding seriously, photography and videography tend to be more of a distraction than something useful. What you end up with is a human being who wants to do something, but finds it difficult to do at every step because of what can only be described as sheer stupidity pervading their universe.

There are many lady riders out there who are doing insane things, things that I am afraid of, and all the while not making a scene out of it on social media. There are many lady riders out there who have jobs, jobs that pay for the bikes and the riding. There are many lady riders out there who feel as embarrassed of attention whoring as any decent human being should.

What’s the difference between those who have it easy and those who don’t?

1. The ability to sell yourself:

This has the been the most striking difference to my eyes. The people who are good at social media, and consequently get things easily in the biking world, tend to be able to manipulate themselves into sick photographs, with big bikes around them to accentuate the value.

Check out this Instagram account, aside from the obvious bling and glamour, try and notice the photos that get the most likes. When you’ve done that, take a broader look at the account and ask yourself:

“What’s the difference between a normal human being, and someone else who has sold their soul to Dainese?”.

The answer is right in front of you.

For such people of the internet, it’s much more important to portray their own self rather than their abilities. It’s basically an attempt to replace real riding value with fake fashion crap, but you would be surprised by just how many people are willing to buy into that delusion.

2. Contacts with the right people

This is, arguably, the most important difference. Knowing the right people at the right places seems to open up all kinds of doors. The same girl who got sent to Italy is also riding in the upcoming women version of Royal Enfield Himalayan Odyssey, and this time again it’s another all-expenses paid trip.

The curious thing here is this, she doesn’t even own a Royal Enfield. Funny how that’s not important at all, at least not in front of Instagram followers.

When one manager at some company makes this idiotic decision to promote someone with little riding experience and no relationship with the brand whatsoever, all it does is give an excuse to others to follow suit. And given the fact that she is actually good at what she does, and brings in promised exposure to the brand and more, the chances of things changing anytime soon are slim at best.

Are men at the root of this entire fuckfest?

Totally.

Most men are morons, interested far more in free tits than real skill. If these sentient foreskins don’t put these women on the pedestal to worship the shit out them, they wouldn’t have the numbers to influence what should always be a logical decision based on merit.

If social media doled out likes and shares based on the actual quality of a person, life would be so much different. Kardashian would be an unknown and rather funny sounding surname, Rakhi Sawant would be an underground mud wrestler, and most Bollywood stars would end up just like the rest of us, stuck in dead-end jobs living from paycheck to paycheck.

But we all know that’s not how things work.

The next time you see the photo of a girl on a bike, wearing a helmet, the camera looking down her cleavage, with gloves sitting on the fuel tank, ask yourself, “What in fucks name does that have to do with motorcycles?” Then block her, and carry on with your life.

The next time you see a lady riding on the highway, twist that throttle, pass her, give her that thumbs up, and then keep twisting that throttle until you can’t see her anymore. Alternatively, ignore her like every other motorcyclist you do on the road everyday. In case she catches up with you and overtakes, slow down and accept that she’s faster than you and live with that knowledge.

The next time you see the photo of a girl on a highway, with helmet hair and a dirty nose, riding a shit bike around the country/world, feel free to like, comment some random encouragement, and then get on with your fucking miserable life.

Neither of these 3 women are doing anything for you. You don’t matter. Find your own thing in life and let them live with theirs.

Are brands to be blamed for promoting the wrong people?

No.

In the case of this girl getting sent to Italy, one reason could simply be the lack of other options. Many popular women riders that I know of are busy blocking our highways doing shit rallys for no particular reason, trying to aimlessly become an “inspiration” to others who couldn’t give a rat’s ass. Others are busy riding for a cause, which is probably the second most disgusting thing you can do with a motorcycle, apart from a burnout.

Besides all that, brands simply can’t be blamed for anything, they are robots designed for one final aim – money. They don’t care about experience, skill, value, quality, all they care about is return on their investment. Brands need people, but people who are actually good more often than not do not want anything, and so can’t be bought.

The underlying problem is this: In an ideal world, motorcycle companies should work with experienced riders who have spent time and money to reach where they are. In the real world however, many a times, such people suck balls at social media, or are assholes like me that a brand can’t trust with a pile of dirty laundry. This leaves open the field for people who may not be the best bikers out there, but are dependable resources to get the brand exactly what they want.

Having said that, if a brand is going to base its judgement solely on the number of Instagram followers, then maybe their marketing managers need to take a good look at their life, the choices they made to reach this place, and then jump out the highest/nearest balcony to rid the world of their DNA.

No compulsion, just a suggestion.

What difference does it make? What’s the worst that could happen?

Death.

Recently, a rather popular women biker died and the entire internet exploded with brilliantly retarded articles that are impossible to read without cringing your face and throwing up occasionally. Not even one single article questioned her experience, her skill, her ability to actually do a long-distance trip on a big bike. All they cared about was the apparent top speed she could do, how inspirational she had been, and how much of an ace she was in the biking community, even though most of the people who said she was ace barely knew her.

Just because you are getting something for free doesn’t necessarily mean you should take it.

This person who’s about to do the Royal Enfield Himalayan Odyssey has about as much experience in long-distance group mountain riding as I have in posing nude for a jewellery catalogue.

I don’t blame the brand here, it’s the person who has to decide when enough is enough, when the joke has gone really out of hand.

A lot of people were upset when it was made public that she’s the one doing the Ducati thing and the Himalayan Odyssey thing. I was curious, amused, but not upset. The way I write and the things I do, there’s no way in hell I’m ever going to get anything from any brand, and I have made peace with that. It’s people who play nice on social media, work hard towards getting something from the brand, never criticise anybody, that need to be upset.

These people also need to realise that they are basically dogs, trying to keep their master happy the best they can. Their master can have better ideas than to play fetch with them, and when he does, there’s nothing else for them to do but sit back and adorably lick their balls, until he’s ready again.

I’m sure some people might find this article to be sexist, and like I said before, I don’t care. In my mind, real equality would come only when we won’t be celebrating the first women President, or the first women taxi driver, or the first women to ride K2K, because nobody would care about the “first” part, or the “women” one, it’d be all about what you are capable of, and how good you are inside.

comments (19)

  • Reply

    August 5, 2016

    One of my favorite posts!

  • Reply

    July 24, 2016

    Akhil your target in this article met with an accident at Himalyan Odessey. Do your research as the news I heard, she fell from a height of 40 ft. While trying to pose. That picture costed her broken ribs and a early ticket home.

  • Reply

    July 4, 2016

    I don’t exactly know why but I’ll quote Ms. Rand here.

    “I erased my ego out of existence in a way never achieved by any saint in a cloister. Yet people call me corrupt. Why? The saint in a cloister sacrifices only material things. It’s a small price to pay for the glory of his soul. He hoards his soul and gives up the world.

    But I..I took automobiles, silk pyjamas, a penthouse, and gave the world my soul in exchange. Who’s sacrificed more – if sacrifice is the test of virtue? Who’s the actual saint?”

    Cheers!

    • Reply

      July 25, 2017

      Rishabh, this saying hit me right in the soul. Thank you for this. I’ll remember this.

  • Reply

    July 2, 2016

    That’s why I like your articles Akhil. I know you’re not a sell out. Seedhi baat, no bakwaas 🙂

  • Reply

    July 2, 2016

    Fantastic article!

    I’d like to contribute a couple of points.

    Brands are equally to be blamed for promoting the wrong people. Brands are made up of people after all. Brands have the moolah to influence thought and they ‘can’ choose not to be robots. They however choose to be followers instead of leaders. The robot brands are no different than the scum which follow shallow socially active identities. Worse, they choose to capitalize on the ‘followers’ and redirect them to even more scum, hence contributing to an ecosystem where stuff like this continues to get promoted.

    What difference does it make?

    Large brands have stopped identifying real talent. This has perhaps killed or supressed 99% of potential talent we have in this country. Some of the finest riders in this country struggle to make ends meet. A few at the top have now secured some sponsorship, in many cases after they’ve done all the hard work and have secured a good position and following. But what about the rest?

    A brand doesn’t have money to sponsor a rider who rides the bike that the brand manufactures, let alone run a factory team. Yet, the same brand won’t bat an eyelid when it pours more money into a ‘reality TV show’ which squarely ignores actual reality, or some shitty social-media campaign.

    Social media has allowed each individual to become a brand and sell themselves. But they are no match to a real brand which has built itself over the years. When a big brand chooses to instead focus on scum, they just add fuel to the trashfire.

    • Reply

      July 2, 2016

      True, but the problem is this. When you work at a brand, you are given a job, a target to achieve. The brand doesn’t care how you get there. If you can do it without involving phony individuals, awesome, but more often than not you will not be able to. At that point, you’ll be replaced by someone who doesn’t mind unethical means to an end.

      Brands are certainly made of people, but by their very design dehumanise these people into the same thing it is itself, a money churning robot.

  • Reply

    July 2, 2016

    A good read and i must say one of the best posts i’ve read so far on riderzone. I really liked the way you articulated your thoughts in this article and especially in the end where you have summed it up beautifully. Needless to say but your honesty is brutal man! You rock big time as far as calling a shitty thing a shitty thing goes, despite the best attempts of the promoters to advertise it otherwise. And i guess I should stop now lest i want to see an article on the riderzone titled “The shit(faced) commentor(s) of riderzone” !!

  • Reply

    July 1, 2016

    Hit this one right in the head. I know about it. Sometimes, I know I am much more of a candidate to do something which I know I am better at with a blindfold on than the dickhead who is chosen to do it.
    The reach, the contacts and the ability to deep throat the brand or the person is what I cannot do. Which I am happy about.

    It is the same feeling you get when you turn on the news channel and see reservation based on religion and caste taking over the country.

    I’d rather be happy doing something and keeping my conscience clear when I rest my head to sleep in the night than think about how the fuck I managed to do/get something I know can’t even imagine doing.

  • Reply

    July 1, 2016

    Feminists will now have their eyes on you Akhil 😉

  • Reply

    July 1, 2016

    Incidentally, we had a good long discussion in one of the groups about the same yesterday.
    And as you said, basically comes down to how you market yourself than anything else.

    It’s same as Triumph covering Gul Panag in their “Triumph over prejudice” feature.

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